Sunday, December 18, 2011
2011 was the year that saw me return to school full time and I must admit this has been a challenge. After almost five years away from the CSUDH campus I returned to the task of balancing homework and papers, group projects (which I despise) and overall having this institution become such a focal point in my life.
Soon that will be coming to an end.
This past November I participated in the National Novel Writing Month. My writing was cut short by that aforementioned institution but I was really proud of the progress made on Hidden Behind the Shadows So much so that I will be finishing this novel while continuing my short story collection.
Which brings me to the purpose of this entry. In preparing for the forthcoming marketing blitz, I have created a Facebook page dedicated to my writing. Feel free to like me at www.facebook.com/AuthorPhoebeJane.
Soon you should see the links advertising my stories and novels for sale.
Thanks for your support.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
After working on a blog entry with a review of Knotts Scary Farm, I tried to publish my post.
The Blog Press App crashed.
Every time I tried to open the app it would crash.
I researched the app and learned Info Thinker, Inc (who sells the app) has acknowledged that the app is unstable when running on the iOS5 operating system. They claim to have an update that is being reviewed by Apple. Very informative but that does not help me much right now.
Here's hoping my blog entry will be saved as a draft once the update is available. Otherwise I will have to re-write the entry.
I am not a happy camper.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I tried again at the boyfriend's house before we left for Disney. Plugged in the Internet, plugged in the laptop and connected the iPad. When I returned from Disney (5 hours later) it was apparent that the computer froze.
So I started again. Twice now I have received messages that inform me "everything on this iPad will be deleted." The first time I saw this message I hit cancel with a quickness. When I encountered the message again I pressed ok and hoped for the best.
My iPad now looks like this:
The problem with this is that the iPad is plugged into iTunes.
This does not look good....
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone 4S
Monday, October 17, 2011
I have not worked there in over 2 years but I do stay in touch with some of these friends especially the remnant at that job.
However, sometimes I wish I could spend the day with them like I did at that time.
If any of you are reading this, know that you are missed.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone 4S
I have decided that I will try to complete these drafts and post them to my blog. Prior to each entry I will give the date the entry was started and any introductory information that may be needed.
Here's hoping each of you will enjoy my entries of yesterday.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone 4S
Monday, August 8, 2011
Another photo from my Hawaiian vacation this summer.
I took this picture while visiting Waikiki beach. My brother lived in Hawaii for two years and really bagged on Waikiki. The area is known for being nothing more than a tourist attraction with a man-made beach. Call it what you will, the area was gorgeous. Nothing could have prepared me for the picturesque view. While snapping away at the view, I took this picture of a hotel and palm trees. There are palm trees here in southern California but I have yet to find a place as heavenly as Hawaii.
I cannot wait to return.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Once again life has caused me to lose track of my writing and I am behind in my goal to write an entry for every day. Hopefully I will be able to be caught up after tonight.
The photo I selected for this day is of frozen yogurt from a magical place called Yogurtland. Some may know of this place and its yummy goodness that can be had with an assortment of toppings. For me this is more than just a dessert shop. Yogurtland will forever hold a special place for me.
Three years ago I started dating this guy. It was a very interesting time. I had long gotten over the heartbreak of my ex and was more than ready to enter a new relationship. However, I had promised myself that I would take things slow this time. Due to his commitment to music, my work schedule, and the overwhelming drama that soon came from the mother of his son, we would usually have dates that were very late at night. After dinner from somewhere like Del Taco there really were not many choices as to where we could go to talk and get to know each other.
It was then that we discovered that Yogurtland in Long Beach does not close till midnight.
Yogurtland became our late night date spot. Even on the night before my first birthday during our coupledom, we met at Yogurtland, made our selections and headed to a park to count down the minutes till it was officially my birthday.
Three years later and we are still together. From then on Yogurtland would always remind me of the early beginnings of our relationship. Even during the times when we did not know if we would last, those discussions were held at Yogurtland.
This photo was taken with my Sony Cyber-shot DSC-W370, a point and shoot. The black and white filter applied via Photo Explosion.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!"
This morning I woke up feeling like I had forgotten something. It nagged me as I got ready for work and my drive into the office. Once I sat down, I knew exactly what I had forgotten!
Today is the (block)blog party for #AmWriting
Several months ago whilst scrolling through Twitter one writer that I follow (@Quotes4Writers) had posted some hashtags to use so that one may find other writers. One of those hashtags was #AmWriting. I thought this was a good hashtag to click. Little did I know that this was more than just a trending topic. This was the white rabbit to a world of other writers.
That day, I began to follow other writers and it has been inspiring to see individuals who like me have to work to balance writing and "corporate" life. There are writers who have gone beyond me and published works, and others in various levels of their writing careers.
Today marks the two year anniversary (or birthday if you will) of the #amwriting community and I am extremely grateful for this wonderful group of individuals. Writing can be seen as a solitary life and for the social butterfly that I am, it is good to have a group of people undergoing siomilar creative metamorphosis by choice.
For an example of another writer, check out Mike St and his blog party entry. Many more writers can be found at #AmWriting!!
UPDATED: I also wanted to link to Elizabeth's blog just to keep the blog party bus rolling!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I have truly been inspired with this new found interest in photography. While looking at the world through my camera, I have come up with new story ideas.In order to keep on top of my blog a day I decided to take some pictures from Hilltop Park in Signal Hill. The view is spectacular, but they were not the best pictures. Since this photo session I have learned so much about digital cameras/photography. It looks as if many of my landscape shots were overexposed and the digital zoom caused too much "digital noise."
Although, I committed to blogging one photo a day, today I will be blogging multiple pictures from my Signal Hill shoot.
As I walked through the park I had this idea of shooting some of the foliage. My first attempt at this was a bush with these bright pink flowers.
When taking pictures in the bright sunlight, I found that I have to be careful of my shadow obscuring certain subjects. This took some finagling in certain shots but I felt like it added contrast to this picture of a lone daisy.
I also found a bush with a few small buds.
This turned into my first set of floral photographs. It was fun experimenting with different subjects. I have no idea of what photos I will use for tomorrow's entry, but so far I am liking this exercise in daily photography blogging.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
When browsing for souvenirs throughout the shops of Waikiki, one will find statues of large women. In many cases these women are teeming with children, other times she is alone. In every case she is posed as if in the middle of a story. According to the tags, this individual is "The Storyteller."
Prior to coming to Hawaii, I conducted research on the history of the Hawaiian people. I learned that early Hawaiians handed down their history and beliefs through story telling. As such, "the story teller" was a very respected role. This person was the guardian of the past and the enforcer of ways.
This brings me to the subject of my picture for today. She is called "The Storyteller." Her arms are moving in time to her words, her face is expressive. It is almost as if the artist had caught her in the middle of a tale. A symbol of Hawaii's past stationed in one of the most tourist filled locations on the island.
However, as much of a tribute to the past this statue may be, its position on the island is not lost to me. A nod to simpler times is located in front of a Chanel store. To the left of the statue, one may see the shelves of expensive handbags through the window. Shoppers walk by the statue without even a glance. One woman is busy peering into the high end shop and a man hurries past, hands full of shopping bags. A paradox between modern decadence and cultural relevance, "The Storyteller" appears to be telling a tale that no one wants to hear.
Summer is almost over and soon I will be back in school while working full time. As such, I have been taking advantage of the break to work on my new business, catch up on some reading, travel, and work on my writing. Soon my website will be up and running but in the meantime I have also started brushing up on my design skills. One way I have been preparing for my business is by practicing photo editing with some new software.
Aside from my upcoming business, there is another reason for my software purchase. The more that I focus on my writing and my creative side, the more I begin to consider other outlets and media that I can utilize to express myself. A career path that I have often considered is that of a travel writer.
I have traveled the world since the day I was born in the Philippines. As I became older, it was only natural that I had filled pages and pages of notes on my surroundings. However, there is one thing that I regret. Growing up in Italy, I often traveled the roads of Europe. At the time, digital cameras was a tool in the making. There were instances where I purchased disposable cameras or borrowed film loaded cameras. Yet, I can not even begin to count the number of film rolls that I had lost. Gone are the photos of my travel. Knowing this has inspired me to immortalize my travels via photography in addition to my writing.
Truth be told, anyone can buy a camera and call themselves a photographer. I have several friends who do amazing things with a camera (yes, I am talking about you Crystal and Carol) My hope is to be able to create work that may some day be comparable to other photographers/artists. With all this in mind I decided that I need to try my hand at photography and writing in a combined effort. As such, I will select a photo every day to be the subject of a blog entry. This is mostly inspired by my friend Megan who went a whole year taking a photo and creating a blog entry. My goal is to do this for a month. At the end of the month, I hope to see some progress in my work and maybe even have a better understanding of photography in general and specifically tied to my writing. If I cannot even get through the month or I have grown tired of this medium then no harm done. I can go back to focusing solely on writing.
The picture above is the first of the photos for my blog entries. This was taken at the end of a hike to the top of Koko crater on the island of O'ahu in Hawaii. Hiking is not one of my best abilities and it showed as I was gasping for breath and begging my siblings to go on without me. However, my brother kept pushing me promising me that the sunrise view from the top would be well worth it. As I struggled to make the climb, there was concern that we would not make it to the top in time for the sunrise. However, that did not turn out to be true. Just as I reached the top of the crater, the sun began to break through the clouds. It was an absolutely incredible sight.
The original picture taken on Koko head included three other hikers who happened to be in my shot. I edited the photo only to remove those individuals, but I included the original below to show the contrast in my edits.
I am really excited about incorporating photography with my writing. There is just so much that I see myself doing and I am welcome to comments and suggestions.
Friday, July 15, 2011
I wish I could say I have been working on a new story but no such luck. It feels as if all the creativity has been sucked out of me.
Here's to more tossing and turning at 3am.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
There is an individual that I know. In order to protect the identity of the guilty I will refer to this person simply as S. This person is really not much of a reader. However, one day my sister gave him one of my short stories. Since then he is on me every day about when I will be creating another story. Today I told this individual that I have older stories in my collection and that I could give him an older one to read. He agreed and disappeared for a moment before returning to say he would print out the story and read it. After reading the story he asked me 50 billion questions about what he had read. I really did not think it was that difficult to understand so I answered his questions. The resulting conversation is transcribed below.
S:This story is dope as f-k.
Me: laughing at his delayed reaction
S:I'm serious. I'm a little high right now but it makes you think about it on a whole 'nother level
Me:No wonder why you did not get it
S:Well you got me reading these stories and I don’t even like reading. Don't you think if you can get a mother f-ker who doesn’t read to want to read that you have actually accomplished something ?
As sad and hilarious as this conversation might have been, his last question did have me thinking. Does that count for anything?
In my own way of thinking, I think it amounts to a small confirmation. I have many passions in life and writing is one of them. I do not write with hopes of superstardom although I can't say I'm shooting for something beyond fame. Right now, I do not even write in order to make a living.
At the end of the day, I write because I have always been touched by the story tellers who fill pages and pages of written words. The tales that have been spun before me have broadened my view of the world and everything around me. I have escaped difficult situations in my life by getting lost in a book. There were instances where I laughed out loud during a slow day due to some ludicrous predicament than an author has unfolded.
Inside of me I too have yarns that I have spun and tales that are beyond comprehension. It is through writing that I feel this sense of release that in all my years of writing and reading I still am not able to descibe.
I only hope that by reading my stories will others will be as positively affected, and that they will enjoy the ride.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Me: That is a car.
Friend: Camaros give me such a hard-on.
Keep in mind my friend is female.
Who said a girl cannot appreciate a 1969 Camaro SS 350 ??
I did not take a picture but it looked something like this:
Pictures are coming. This I am so serious about. So not like the weight loss update that never came into frutition. However, I did take a break from my diet because "Hello, it's Hawaii" I could not go without eating some macadamia nut covered chocolate.
I have been so inspired lately and really trying to stay positive. I started a new short story and plan on having the collection completed before the end of summer. No classes this summer. I could not afford the price tag of $758 per class. As such, I figured this may be God's way of telling me to slow down and take a break. My plan is to get in some heavy reading and writing! I am also hoping to also start gearing up for the GMAT, because I have worked too hard not to be able to work towards my Masters.
Currently reading Rob Bell's Love Wins, Jen Lancaster's If you Were Here, and will also be reading Dean Koontz's What the Night Knows as I will be headed to his discussion and book signing tomorrow.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
For what it's worth I have lost a net of 3lbs in one week. If it wasn't for the day I gained weight (1) fried chicken without the skin is still fried 2) Just because the sales person said its non-fat does not mean non-fat) If you count the weight I lost to get back on track I have lost a total of 6lbs in one week.
More to come later. Phase 2 should be starting in 2 days.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
I am in the last 2 weeks of school and every day counts. It is officialy the countdown till the end of one of the most difficult semesters of my life. In between work I have been trying to succeed in 5 classes and as the semester ends each class is requiring a lot for me to not only pass but pass with a B or better. There are projects to be completeds, assignments to complete and not to mention all of the tests and finals for which I must prepare.
With all this I am little frazzled to say the least. I feel like there are not enough hours in the day for me to get my work done and live a life. While working out or any other activity, my is filled with regret as I think that I coulde have spent the time studying as oppose to being on the exercise bike.
Sadly, I feel like not many people understand what I am going through and I have to constantly be on the defensive as far as my current state.
Let's just say I will be very happy when these two weeks are over. So much so that I may need another break after Hawaii.
Friday, April 29, 2011
They were right.
Day 3 for me was a definite test as it was my longest day at school. Because I have class until 10pm, the only source of sustenance after 8pm is the vending machine. At the student union I found that almost all the restaurants were closed early because of Unity Fest. Do not get me wrong, this is a great thing. I love and support Unity Fest as I spent 3 years of my life working on that event. However, for those of us who arrived on campus with very little time there was not many options for a meal. Before I get to my final decision let me start with the beginning of the day.
Breakfast: 2 Boiled eggs and some yogurt with black coffee
Lunch: 2 patties of Morning Star However, I did not eat the whole patties. I ate about half of each. I left the patties in the microwave for too long and they were so hard the plastic fork snapped in half and broke my finger. I took that as a sign that I should give up on the patties.
Snack: Slices of turkey
Evening Snack: Piece of skinless chicken
Another Snack of boiled eggs with the yolks thrown away
Dinner: Scrambled egg whites & grilled skillet steak with yogurt and oat bran or dessert.
I went to Ralphs to buy the meat and eggs for dinner and for the first time I did not feel tempted by any of the sweets or fruit or other pre-packaged foods that would have been easier than cooking but not allowed on the diet. I went straight to the meat section and headed over to Ruben's since my sister hates the smell of eggs cooking.
So I succeeded in keeping my diet for the day! Thanks to so much water.
I drank more than 2 liters of water (no joke)
This morning I did my weigh-in.
Today, I lost .4lbs. That brings my grand total to 1.7lbs in 3 days.
I hope to continue the trend. When I entered my information on the Dukan site, I found that I should reach my goal weight in August. At this rate, I really think I might make it.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I went to the gym instead.
After work I realized that if I saw chicken one more time I would throw up
and so I headed to Trader Joe's and bought lean pork cutlets, more yogurt and some nonfat frozen yogurt. After eating a few spoons of the frozen yogurt I realized that it was non-dairy and as such not allowed on Dukan (unless you're a vegetarian or lactose intolerant. I don't do lactose but I can do nonfat dairy)
That was the end of the yummy frozen yogurt.
I had also purcahsed a container of 100% egg whites. So for dinner I had pork and scrambled eggs. It was yummy and what made it even better was knowing that in enjoying this meal I still stuck to my diet. Plus I was incredibly full. Whenever I wanted a snack I stuck to non-fat yogurt.
Later that night I did have an unbelievable hankering for chocholate. I put the blame fully on my boyfriend because he left all these funsize three musketeers bars out. After going back and forth for a bit, i decided to have a very small bite of the candy. I did and I enjoyed the little bit of chocolate.
Never thought a little sliver of choclate would make me so happy, but it did. And after that bit I was done.
Woke up this morning scared to do my weigh-in. all I could think about was the following:
1) The Quaker Oats I was using for the first two days was not the same as the oat bran that I was suppose to be having.
2) The frozen sorbet that was a non-no.
3) That sliver of chocolate.
I got myself together and got on the scale...
Today I lost 1 lb :)
Many happy dances follow that realization. I am determined to stick to the diet through today and this will be a test of will because I have class until 10pm tonight so we'll see how this goes.
Still happy dancing.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Today I have lost .3 lbs.
I know that's not alot but its better than gaining. I am hoping that tomorrow will show even bigger results.
Today has not been easy but I have been sticking with the program so far. In celbration of Administrative Professionals day there was a luncheon held for all Admin. The menu consisted of pasta, spinich salad, gelato etc. Read: nothing Phoebe can eat. This could have spelt disaster for me but I ate before the luncheon. Vanilla Greek nonfat yogurt with my allowed oat bran, 1 boiled egg and some water. Once I was in the luncheon I heated up a salmon fillet and had that while everyone ate lasagna.
Back at my desk and food was released from another meeting. Grilled chicken. Another day of chicken but I'm not complaining. I have been sticking to the plan and I'm not even hungry which has always been my greatest concern when it comes to diets.
More of an update to come...
Not sure if that's going to happen.
Another goal of mine is to fit into my favorite pair of jeans.
I think I blogged about that before.
In any case, as I stated in a previous blog I have been working out every weekday during my lunch break. At least 30 mins on the bike and if I have time then some other activity like 10 mins on the treadmill or some free weights. Lately, I have been sticking to sets of sit-ups and pushups. After my first day in the gym I was in so much pain, it was agony. I even started a blog entry that went like this:
"I am going to die and I do not mean that in a deeply metaphorical sense. I mean that I literally feel like I am about to die...
And what did my fat@$$ do after working out to the point where death was a sweat drop away? I went to Olive Garden. Talk about counter-productive.
So there has not been any more of that...on a regular basis anyways. I have been watching what I eat, no burgers, stayed clear of too much sodas and no big Easter meal either. Working out every day and there have been minor victories (see Happy Dance entry below) However, there has been no earth-shattering weight loss.
Yesterday, I was searching for something to read on my nook and I came across this book called the Dukan Diet. According to the reviews, participants claimed to have lost 5 lbs in the first 5 days of the diet. This seemed too good to be true. A search of various reviews showed many sites deducing that this diet was a fad and most of the weight loss, water weight. There were other sites that claimed celebrities like J.Lo and others used this diet to lose the baby weight that most of us regular people would not have noticed unless we had a magnifying glass. What made me decide to give it a try was this guy named Marshall Brain.
Marshall is this guy who writes on a site called how it works. I do not follow his blogs or that site. However, when I did a search of how the Dukan Diet works I found his blog. Reading Marshall's entries made me feel like this might actually be a diet that I could do. Not to mention Marshall listed the amount of weight he lost every day and it was pretty amazing. Sure losing .3 pounds a day may not seem great but when the total is 6.6 pounds in 5 days that is definitely something to get excited about. After reading Marshall's blog, which you can view here, I purchased the Dukan Diet on my nook (oh the joys of an e-reader) and began reading what I would have to do for my first day. There is a lot of detailed explanation as to why the elements of the diet are as such but that was not very important to me. I just wanted to know what to do to lose 6.6 pounds in 5 days.
I should probably explain the rules of the Dukan Diet. There are several phases to the diet which I will explain as I reach that phase. The first phase is called the Attack phase. This phase is to kick start the body into weight loss mode encouraging the participant with fast results and jump starting the metabolism. This phase lasts anywhere between 3-10 10 days with the average time frame being 5 days. In this phase, the individual cannot eat anything that is not one of the designated categories of food. A quick summation says this: lean protein, fish, chicken, nonfat dairy products, lots of water, 1 1/2 tablespoons of oat bran and 20 minutes of walking. I cannot reveal all the details, some people will just have to buy the book. Should anyone decide to try this diet I strongly recommend buying the book because there is a lot of details on why you can eat this and why you cannot eat that, but returning to the task at hand...
Yes, that is correct that is all one may eat during the first phase. No fruit, no veggies, no carbs, no sugar, no sweets. However, you can have any of the foods in the categories listed and as much as you desire. Diet soda, coffee, and tea are all approved.
During my first day I had to run to the store because I did not have the necessary food. This meant I skipped breakfast which is a big no, no on this diet. Going to a grocery store when you're hungry is bad. Going to a grocery store when you're on a diet is horrible. Going to a grocery store when you fit all the descriptions above and you cannot eat anything except protein is unbearable. Everywhere I turned I was staring at something delicious and I wanted it. Grapes, chocolate, cookies, cheese, it all looked so appetizing and I knew I could have none of it. I bought a container of nonfat vanilla yogurt and a smaller container of nonfat vanilla Greek yogurt and headed to Fresh and Easy. There I was not as tempted and I purchased this ready to eat chicken, sandwich meat, and mustard.
Once I returned to work I heated up the chicken and had that with a diet Dr. Pepper. I also opened the bottle of 1.58Qts of water. When I finished the chicken I had some of the nonfat Greek yogurt to feel full. Throughout the work day I drank as much of the water as I could. After working out I felt starved and so I had some more of the Greek yogurt.
That evening I went to Ruben's to visit. I had offered to make dinner and so I cooked sautéed chicken and spinach with low carb tortillas. Ruben loved it! I had just chicken. I was getting pretty sick of chicken and I wanted to jack Ruben for a tortilla. However, I was good and stuck with the chicken.
Ruben and I then went to Target so I can get some more things so that I could be prepared for day 2 of the diet. There I spent some time trying to figure out if nonfat ice cream constitutes as a nonfat dairy item. In order to be on the safe side I picket out another small container of nonfat vanilla Greek yogurt whilst my boyfriend picked out a much larger container of mango sorbet (glaring look)
I then spent the rest of my time in the store trying to figure out what exactly is oat bran. According to a website I found, oat bran may be similar (if not the same thing) to Quaker oats. Since the store was closing I settled on Quaker oats and grabbed a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper. Once I got back to Ruben's I ate the Greek yogurt with the 1 1/2 tablespoons of oats. It was really good to me. (I like yogurt and cannot believe I can eat as much of it as I want) It almost made me forget about Ruben and his sorbet. Almost. (Another glaring look)
So that was my first day. Although it got off to a rocky start and I felt like I would turn into a chicken I managed to stick to the plan with no cheating. I just finished boiling eggs for breakfast tomorrow. I will be weighing myself every day so every 10th of a pound helps.
I am already getting sick of chicken.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I went to work wearing a dress yesterday which meant I weant to school wearing a dress. This was fine until I left the library and it was freezing!
Hoodies were on sale at the bookstore but they were in weird colors. Did I want a purple sweatshirt or a yellow sweatshirt? It was like Dominguez was rooting for the Lakers (maybe that's why they were on sale.) In any case I grabbed a purple hoodie in a size medium. That's the size of all my school sweatshirts. I then started having second thoughts about the color so I tried it on in front of a mirror.
A medium was HUGE on me! I grabbed a small and it was still pretty big but fit much better than the medium.
There's obvious reasons why this makes me happy but what most people don't know is that I have been working my butt off to lose this weight. I go to the gym during my lunch hour EVERY DAY. This week marks week 4 of me being in the gym. I step on the scale and it says I have lost one pound.
Yes, that's right. One pound.
I can drink diet tea and lose more than 1 pound. So to see a difference in clothing size makes it worth it.
Though I have to say, scales lie.
...and for those wondering I bought the yellow hoodie.
Monday, April 25, 2011
This month I had set up a challenge for myself to write everyday. I think I can honestly say I stick to that goal. However, I did not always write something creative. I've gotten behind in my blogging and such but I have caught up big time in school. Although, I still have a ways to go. 3 more weeks and this semester id over.
I think I will definitely be doing a happy dance.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday, April 1, 2011
I'm sitting on my break reading Danielle Steel's blog (not a huge fan but I have much respect for her work) and eating chips and salsa. There's an entry that was posted on twitter regarding Ms. Steel's advice to those of us who also write. She talks about planting your butt in your seat and doing it. She also wrote of there never being a "right" time and how hard she worked to be the success that she is today.
I feel a little guilty because at this moment I should be writing and not just surfing the net and eating chips. My recent argument has been that I have been trying to de-stress as I am currently on Spring Break. However, that really is not much of an excuse. There will be plenty of time for extra de-stressing later. Right now my "de-stressing" should be me engulfed my writing. I currently have 3 projects that I had been working on and off for some time: a collection of short stories, a novel entitled Rockstar Ambition and a potential novel/novella Arc
Rockstar Ambition was probably the closest to completion, but my heart is gone from that story. I think it's because the characters were so close to me that I would like to remember them in their earlier forms. They were loosely based on people that I knew who are no longer part of my life and revisiting that novel brings an inexplicable sadness.
That being said there is no excuse for me not having completed at least the short story collection. I had such fire when I began that project and the stories were pouring out, but every day I would push myself to write something.
So here I go. Since this is the beginning of the month, a new chance to begin with the weight loss, a new chance to begin doing anything and everything. I am going to begin ensuring that I write something every day. Preferably a portion of a bigger project, however, even a blog entry will suffice as long as it consists of more than 2 paragraphs. By the end of this month I should have at least one project completed and ready to shop around.
Hoping for the Best...
Its 1:26 in the morning and what am I doing? Testing my new phone.
I am such a techie.
I really didn't think I would like this phone anywhere nearly as much as I like my iphone. However, this phone has me pleasantly surprised. I mean this swype thing is pretty cool once you get use to it.
So even though it's so late and I should be sleeping, I'm looking for apps to download.
I guess this is better than being kidnapped by some dude on Craigslist.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Almost 2 weeks ago, I broke my iPhone. It was such a tragedy. In any case, the moment I realized it was no longer functional I switched the sim card into my old Samsung BlackJack II. That is the phone I have been using these last two weeks.
There is a reason I switched phones 2 years ago.
Although the blackjack had served me well while I had it, cellular devices have come a long way since then. Plus, I've definitely been spoiled by my iPhone. I find myself straining to see the small screen, emails are slow, Internet is slow, and forget multitasking as I can only view one web page at a time.
Today I have spent a lot of time emailing and texting people who are selling their phones on craigslist. Although my original plan was to get a blackberry (one person I was talking to sold the phone to someone else after talking to me) I found a Samsung Captivate at a very reasonable price within a decent driving distance.
That being said, I am off to meet this person with the phone at the Lakewood mall. Should I not be heard from again, it may be that I have been offed.
....or that I loved the phone so much I had no time to blog about it.
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Thursday, March 24, 2011
What do you do when your spirit tells you one thing and your head and your heart say another?
This internal conflict is gnawing at me and all I can do is sit in silence and walk in tears.
It's raining and I think it's very apropo.
Even my victories are shrouded in strain, even in confusion I feel the same.
Maybe I'm just really tired, but this anxiety has gone on for days.
It just hurts sometimes because I can see my detractors in the crowd. Some of them posing as my friends. Others are ready to cheer on my end.
It's 10:10. Where am I again?
I'm not stupid. Don't think that I don't get it.
Its you who do not understand and I think that hurts more than anything because I thought of everyone you would be the most understanding. I've always been so transparent. I've always been clear. I never lied about my intentions acknowledged my fears. Yet, there you go again lumping me in with everyone else. Blaming me, my insecurity.
But I'm not like everyone else. I'm not the same. And if you thing that then you don't know me and every things changed.
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Cindy: I love your shoes!
Cindy: They are so hot!
Me: Cindy, It's not the shoes...
A little confidence is needed to survive the corporate world.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
When I tried to return these pens to the supply cabinet I found a possible motive as there were NO BLUE PENS.
This is the legal department for a Fortune 500 company and we have no pens...
This is just the icing on the cake of things bothering me today. Here are a couple more little idiosyncrasies my coworkers should be aware about me.
1. Please let me put my purse down before you start harassing me in the morning. Unless you're my boss, who would never bombard me when I first walk in then let me at least get my cube lights on before making demands.
2. If you're asking me about something so pointless and stupid then in addition to my first request please be sure to allow me ample time to get my morning coffee. Caffeine will allow me the ability to better handle your stupidity.
3. Leave my desk and all other items on my desk alone. This is why it is called my desk.
4. Don't drag me into your he said/she said office drama. I don't mind listening to someone vent or hearing the latest office gossip. However, make no attempts to pull me into your politics and think you can use me as a pawn in your little games. Note: yes, I know and yes I will retreat to my cube where you will not hear from me at all for the rest of the week.
Is this really too much to ask? Am I really that strange ?
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Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Lunch: Salad Creation Turkey Club with Fat Free Raspberry Vinagrette: 260 cals
Dinner: Del Taco
I'm not even writing what I had at Del Taco, except lets just say the words deluxe fries and some other things pop up.
1 Black Coffee
1 Nutri Grain bar 95 cals
El Pollo Loco Chicken, & Steamed Veggies 510 cals
Carrots 35 calories per serving and I've probably eaten less than 1 serving
Some nasty brithday cake that wasn't worth my calories.
The El Pollo Loco really, really shocked me. Seriously??? 448 of those calories were for the chicken breast but I only ate 2 pieces!!
Back to the lean cuisines and maybe sandwiches for lunch.
...and I promise all my blog entries will not look like this!!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I am fully aware of my weight gain and I am working to do something about it. My mother insists I cut out all carbs and I think Why? So I can be as grumpy as you are when you stop eating carbs? Then she makes all types of other comments and suggestions. The thing that my mom fails to remember is that I have gained the weight and subsequently lost the weight in the past. It's just a matter of me battling with myself to figure out if I should operate in the same way as I had in the past.
No, I did not have an eating disorder. No vomiting, or pills or starving myself in the sense of no food. However, I did severely cut my calories. Deep inside I know this will be the key to my success in dropping the pounds I need to fit into my favorite jeans.
Yes, that is my goal.
There is no magic number on the scale that will make me jump with joy. Nothing will make me feel more at ease with my body then to be able to COMFORTABLY fit into my favorite jeans, and the assortment of jeans in that same size.
So, today is a new day. I'm starting and I am seriously trying to lose the weight. Beginning last night, when I was on the treadmill for 30 minutes straight. Here is my meal breakdown so far:
1 Yoplait Light Yogurt 100 cals
1 Black Coffee with Splenda 15 cals
Then maybe I won't have to pick up these glass shards.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Classmate: How old are you?
Classmate: Really? You look 19.
This was the best part of class today.
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Friday I received a call from the police saying that my stolen Honda was found. On Staurday I met with my parents who had to come up to get the car out of impound. After paying $260 for the car and switching off the flat, it turns out that the car will not shift gears. Hours of tinkering by the boyfriend and dad found a green Honda that would occassionally go into reverse but never in drive. AAA towed the car to a mechanic who would take a look at the car today.
Today the verdict is in and apparently the thieves drove that car into the ground. They blew out the transmission and it would cost $1550 for repairs.
That really upsets me.
Someone had the nerve to steal my car, rip out my radio, take my cds, rifle through clothes, take all my shoes and sunglasses and an assortment of other items.
...now I'm left with a bill!
As if all this wasn't enough. I have been having pains in my calves and ankle excerbated by my high heels (did I mention that most of my high heels were stolen? oh, the horror!!) I have a sneaky suspcion that my cute black Fila shape-ups are the culprit for this pain.
That's all that's on my mind for now. Maybe a less trivial post later.
But I question it's triviality :)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The problem is that sometimes i take a look around me and i see nothing but reminders. Memories of a life passed. Landmarks of failures. Everything i never did, opportunities passed. If only this, maybe if that.
There are no second chances. What's done is done, but sometimes I have a hard time letting go of this burden. Here are the relics of some of the biggest mistakes of my life thus far. I thought I buried them deep in my closet but here they come marching forth for all the world to see.
I went to visit the last remnants today. Those who I thought might understand where I'm coming from and give me a nugget of advice. How do I deal with this mountain? Yet, they've moved on as well. No sense in interrupting their lives with these ghosts of yesterday. I swear i see these specters lining the walkways, but they bother no one but me. They're invisible to the rest of the world.
Sometimes I feel I'm just as invisible in this world.
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Friday, January 28, 2011
I'm treating myself and the bf to something very not healthy and yummy. Hopefully, once I adjust to this new schedule I will feel less frantic.
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Thursday, January 27, 2011
Baby Mama Drama
There are some things that are done out of evilness and spite that makes me want to laugh out loud but then there are other things that just make me so upset. Like seriously, to all the moms out there, single, married whatever the case may be if you're doing your thing and taking care of your kid(s) then my hats off to you. Thank you for making me proud of being a woman and for being committed to one of the most difficult tasks put on the shoulders of our gender.
But to those who are unemployed, no ambition, drugged out, lazy, and just overall not doing right by your kids...
To think there are so many women who struggle just to have one child while others do not understand the enormity and importance of being a GOOD mom...
Almost got me preaching.
So, what do think should? Should I continue to keep this element of my life to myself or should I vent to my heart's content? Are there others dealing with this issue?
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Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Why am I taking this class?
Ehh, it's complicated.
In any case, right now I am suffering from a pretty serious case of caffeine
Today marks the halfway point in my first week back at school. My thoughts? I'm tired. Very tired. A small voice is wondering if I have taken on a lot more than I can handle. Full time job, school, and the other things i have to do. It's a pretty tight schedule.
One of the difficult things about returning to my Alma Mater is this feeling of almost loneliness. No, maybe not almost.
I remember my time here years ago. Friends, a job, i really knew this campus. Everything was so familiar. Now everything is pretty nostalgic. I remember when there was no student union. I remember less cars, adding as many students as a professor wants, and when the professors look younger.
Now i am one of many in a sea of faces. I find my self constantly searching for a face I know. However, deep down inside i know that engine i might have known years ago have since left and will not be returning.
I guess thats why I decided to focus more on my blogging. I don't necessarily know everyone who reads my blog, but maybe some people out there find themselves back at school after leaving so long ago. Maybe i can be of help to some of those who find themselves feeling as alienated and alone as i feel.
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Location:Small College Complex
Yes, blogger I had a brief affair. But it was nothing, I swear to you :)
I am now officially back at blogger. If anyone cares to see what they missed while I was briefly gone, they can check out my tumblr above. For all my Tumblr fans, I will be sure everything I post here gets sent over there....
Ever come back home, after a long trip and decided you needed to do some deep cleaning? Thats what happened to me upon my return to blogging. I deleted broken links, which was kind of difficult. Blogs that I use to follow, with no new entries in over a year...
I also changed the overall layout. Soon there will be a link to my Facebook fan page, because apparently thats like the cool thing to do these days. People swear that social networks are new.Ummmm, am I the only one who remembers Friendster, Xanga and the like ?
You can even add Myspace to that list.
In any case, I will be posting more often. There are so many things going on in my life and in my quest to get out of the corporate world. While you're here, check out my favorite blogs.