Back in the Saddle

I returned from a business trip and found myself slacking on my writing once again.

Not again! I had done so well in Denver; writing in the dark and whatnot. However, upon my return to the stacks of work needing attention at my day job and the time needed to decompress from all the emotional and mental stress of a draining day job and vampiric friends, there is little time left to sleep let alone write.

So, I am getting back in the saddle.

Tonight....

I hope


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Peace Be Still

This is another instance where I have deleted my entire post and replaced the rant (this time over connectivity issues) and decided to write something in a completely different vein.

I have been sitting on this plane for some time as it had been sitting on the runway due to some reason explained by the pilot ( I did not understand what he was saying.) In any case, I felt this sense of anxiety and tension. Here I sat, in an enclosed plane that was completely booked. Every seat was taken including the two next to me. As I sat there I began to think on the various realizations and other matters that I had come across this week. The thought of it all increased my anxiety and I could feel the throbbing signs of a migraine beginning. It has been a tough couple of days...

After taking off and purchasing wifi and experiencing other delays I felt like I had just reached my peak. From this spring of stress and tension flowed a ranting blog entry dripping in sarcasm and tempered with anger.

Then a song came on my iPod: Rush of Fools' Peace Be Still. 

"and Peace Be Still...

Peace, be still...

Please be still

and know that I am God."

The rolling melody and deep message really affected me. I turned back to my entry and deleted my rant, and started again.

Now I am sitting here on this plane, staring at the clouds and what could possibly be the grand canyon. For the first time all week, I am truly alone. Here on a packed airplane, I finally allow the tears to fall. All that I had been holding back. Every emotion I had to hide these past few days. There was no sobbing or cries of anguish. Only silent tear drops that carried with them insecurity, fear of failure, of inadequacy. These tears carry pain and exasperation, sadness over betrayal, sadness over loss. A trail of frustration fell into pools of realization as I cried over issues buried over the last week, the last month, the last year. 

Behind the tears, I found the strength to reach out to my faith and grasp tightly to the foundation that would keep me from drowning. It is here that I stared into the reflection of love and prayer and in this moment I am still...

I come to, ready to continue writing and I happen to see someone walking by who I knew from work. Not just any person, someone who I once told I looked to her as a possible role model/mentor.  A person who I had not seen in sometime, and by this time the tears are gone. Almost as if confirmation of my thoughts we promise to connect later and talk.

There are going to be mountains and valleys. Obstacles that will attempt to knock us from our path and craters that will force us to consider turning back. Tears are not a sign of weakness but an overflowing of emotions. Sometimes this buckets must be emptied so that we do not carry them during our journey. If one finds themselves on a trail to a destination that he/she does not wish to go then we must alter our course. There may not be a clear trail and so we might have to blaze a path to our goals. This might require mountain climbing, ocean swimming, and lots of hacking away at those things in our way. However, it is imperative that we push through and hold tight to our faith.

Unlatch the unnecessary bags and do not be afraid to empty your tears when need be and when your mind is racing remember those words spoken by Christ to the crashing waves in the midst of the storm.

Peace, Be Still...

~~

Sneaky Words

This is not the post I had started.


Deleted the post about my day and stared at the cursor, not knowing what to write. I made a commitment to myself to write every single night so that I would get into the habit; like exercise for an athlete.

However, what do you do when you cannot trust your fingers to not type the words that should not be seen? I have always been extremely cautious when detailing events related to work and since this is a work retreat, I cannot help but to allow my thoughts to "go there."

Instead, I will continue to sit in the dark and wonder at the steps I must take to ensure I am not in a similar situation next year.

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Up, Up and Away

I could not believe how many months it has been since I posted an entry. Then I saw all the drafts that I had left unfinished. Pieces that I wanted to share, then had second thoughts on whether or not it would be beneficial for me to publicize those particular thoughts and emotions.

However, that is neither here nor there.

Right now I am soaring through the skies en route to Denver. A work event that I am not particularly looking forward to but I am trying to make the most of this situation. Left a day earlier than most of my coworkers to meet a friend from long ago with whom I have only recently reconnected. I packed my carry-on with my nook, iPad, laptop, iPod; the "essentials," prepared to lean back and relax during the flight. Yet, my mind won't rest and so, I fired up the laptop, paid the $5 wifi fee and logged into my blog.

Thus far the flight has been rather smooth, with the exception of the kid in front of me. His constant jumping up and down is causing my tray to sway, which worries me as I eye the coffee sitting inches away from my keyboard. Also, I busted my finger pretty badly yesterday and am finding it extremely difficult (and occasionally painful) to type. Still, I am determined to bang out this entry. Out the window, I notice the slipping away of the dawn. Flying from CA to CO means I am headed away from the sun. My face froze when the pilot said it was currently 44 degrees in Denver.  At least I am prepared to layer some clothing.

I am pretty sure this post seems to be a pretty mundane description thus far. I mean all I have written about are random observations of an otherwise normal flight. (The boy stopped jumping and judging by the reflection in the window, his parents have him watching cartoons on an iPad. I swear kids are extremely lucky these days)

Right now all I keep thinking about is how I love to travel and have always wanted to find a way to make traveling a part of my career. My friend Cindy said that when she learned the phrase "wanderlust" all she could think of was me. That pretty much summarizes it. I started traveling as an infant, leaving my birthplace of the Philippines for the states. Since that time I have travelled to various cities, states, countries each time I come to stay in a place for too long I get that feeling again. Time to move on to new things, see new sights experience new adventures.

It has already been too long.

Now is the time for me to make moves. For me to make plans and set the stage for the next journey I will be taking in my life. Sure sacrifices will be made, but in the end I know it will be worth it. I refuse to forever be tied to a desk job that I don't like. To continue working my fingers to the bone in order to help assist someone in their dream job.

Everyone keeps telling me the economy is bad and things are not great for everyone. That I should feel blessed to be able to even have a job and a steady income. This is true and I will never end my thankfulness over knowing every two weeks I will have a check deposited into my bank account. However, I am taking a stand and refusing to settle. This is why I m growing my photograph, writing more, reading more, and studying for the GMAT and LSAT. There may not be any open doors for me, so guess what ? I may just have to build myself a house and open my own door.

1 1/2 year ago, I considered getting into photography and I know have an online portfolio. A year ago, I was stressing over classes, I have since walked across that graduation stage. 6 months ago I could not run for more than 20 minutes. Now I have two 5Ks under my belt. All this to say, I know that I am capable of setting goals and accomplishing them. I dream big, work hard and know that it will only be a matter of time before I can say that I am doing the work that I love.

Stay tuned...

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Back Again

After a lengthy hiatus, I am once agin returning to the art of scribbling details of my mind/life for all the world to see.

During my hiatus, I graduated (albeit with some coursework to makeup,) completed my first 5k, began job hunting, participated in "the biggest loser" competition at work (which I lost,) got a Nintendo Wii (for free thanks to my coworker) and overall worked my butt off juggling work, school, and maintaining some semblance of a social life. Through all this I would think of little blog entries to complete but I never had the time to write them down. Now I will be making the time because a writer should never shut off words no matter how mundane.

Speaking of writing, not much of that has been happening on this end and in order to jump start my creative juices, I am trying to get back into reading. On Goodreads, I set a goal at the start of the year to read 60 books in one year. My sister pointed out that I am very far behind (I think I've read 5 books. Too bad textbooks do not count) So, I am working on a "Zombie vs Robots Anthology" then it's off to the plethora of books I loaded up on the iPad.

Back to the grind!

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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone 4S

Posting for the Sake of Posting

I have not been sticking to my commitment of doing better at maintaining my blog.

Almost two months without a single entry.

In January I fell into the last semester of school volcano and have been swallowed up ever since. This has kept me from reading, writing, and even working out. It has cut into my soccer viewing ( my LA Galaxy!!) and even my sleep.

Spring Break is now close at hand and I am going to try to bring this blog up to speed. Rather than write one large post about all the things I have been getting into in the last two months, I will try to break up my thoughts into various smaller bite size entries.

Now I'm off to update my goodreads page, because although I know I have not been reading as much as I would like, I have definitely read a few books this year.

More to come...

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Phone Wars

This is the last semester so I made a point of coming early. Although I know this campus well, I had to circle the building a couple of times to find the b corridor.

I arrive to find several people standing outside.

The professor is not here.

The classroom is looked.

So every student is either standing or sitting. Each person is staring down at his/her phone.

Thank God for technology. I can assure you this was not the case years ago...

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The Dream That Changed A Nation

Today is the third full day of my vacation. It has been incredible taking a break from the day job, school and even writing.

However, I felt the reverent need to pause and pay tribute to a man who helped change this nation.

He did not see himself as a visionary or a hero. Rather, he was simply a man who did not believe in ignoring injustice. A southern pastor whose speeches and beliefs were inseparable from his faith, he endured violence, threats against his family, and ultimately his murder all to denounce the hatred and inequality rooted in America.

It is because of him that I can sit here in a integrated coffee shop writing this entry. Due to his fight and the fight of other civil rights activist that I can strive for the moon shooting past chains of oppression and white only signs.

However, that fight is not yet over! If Dr. King was alive today he would not just be sitting back with the knowledge that a man of color now holds the office of presidency over this nation. He would decry the economic oppression of those who can barely afford to feed their families. I believe he would speak out against the lack of diversity in the higher positions in all Fortune 500 companies and the other glass ceilings and walls barely acknowledged and rarely recognized. I believe Dr. King would champion the cause of students struggling against against the politics of school systems of that keeps lower income children from dreams of higher education.

With the gap widening between the haves and the have nots it is imperative that I and everyone else remembers the values held by Dr. King not just today but every day. And since he cannot do the work for us it is up to me and everyone else who want to see the fullest extent of Dr. King's dream come into fruition so that we may one day "sing that old negro spiritual

Free at last

Free at last

Thank God Almighty

We agree free at last."

...Thank you Dr. King


-Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone 4S

Surly Sanrio

I have to admit a slight addiction.

I LOVE Sanrio.

Hello Kitty, Chococat, Kerropi, especially Hello Kitty.

Most of my friends would claim this is not much of a news flash. From the Hello Kitty check card, to my Hello Kitty purse, I am a walking ad for all things Sanrio. Not long ago, I posted a picture of myself as a child pushing some Hello Kitty toy. Evidence that this love can be blamed in my mother.
But I digress.

Recently, I have been on the hunt for two Hello Kitty objects. A particular wallet which I have been recently told has been discontinued and a case for my lovely MacBook pro. I have given on the search for the wallet but the search for the case continues. Best Buy carries Hello Kitty laptop cases but the designs are quit flimsy and several of Best Buy's inventory already contains scratches and missing details.

Today I returned to a Sanrio shop at a mall I usually peruse. In the past, I noticed the woman working at the counter would not be the most pleasant. In fact, positive customer service appeared to be a meaningless phrase to her. She would talk down to customers, constantly snap her gum and give the overall impression that she would rather be anywhere except the store. As I searched thought the Sanrio electronics accessories, I came across the perfect Hello Kitty case. I LOVED it! After some examining and comparison, I was ready to make my purchase. The older woman in front of me leaned in a cane as she asked about the staples for a Hello Kitty stapler. The girl at the counter gave very curt responses while she texted on her iPhone. It was like she could not be bothered by the woman who was becoming very frustrated.

One of my biggest pet peeves is people in retail/sales who do not treat customers with respect. Now more than ever, consumers have to think twice when deciding to spend. I have encountered racist sales reps who belittled me, snotty sales reps who acted as if I did not deserve to be in their store. Despite the color of my skin, or my economic background, my money is the same green as any other. As such, I should be treated with the same respect. For any stores that did not feel the same, I would hit them where it hurts: by refusing to spend a dime in their store.

Returning to the incident at the Sanrio store. After witnessing the sales rep's nasty attitude, as much as I loved that case, I refuse to endorse her behavior by giving up my hard earned dollars at that store. I left and have no regret. This was not the last Sanrio store in souther California and I may still be on the search for a case. However, I stand firm in my belief that any person who does not treat customers well does not deserve patronage.

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 - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone 4S

Test

After months of being out of commission, BlogPress finally released an update. This is a test entry. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone 4S

The Phantom of the Promo Code

Yesterday, I began making arrangements for my upcoming trip to Vegas. My boyfriend is turning the big 3-0 and wanted us to do something different this year. A trip to Vegas seemed apropos as my friend pointed out "you two are practically Vegas virgins."

Ummmm, ok.

Arrangement making had commenced and my thought process was a little hindered from the cocktail of over-the-counter medications I had been taking for the flu. However, I was just about to make the hotel reservations on one of those third party sites when I had this "brilliant" idea. I would search for tickets to the Phantom of the Opera to surprise the birthday dude. A quick search on the internet resulted in my discovery of a promo code on the official site. I would have to order the tickets through TicketMaster but inputting the given code would result in a 58% discount on the regular ticket price.

I chose the seats, signed in and had to do some other things because I had forgotten the password to my Ticket Master account. All the while I am hunting for a space to enter the promo code. The next thing I knew I came to a screen that said.

"Thank you. Your order has been completed."

I stared at the screen in complete shock. How can that be? There was no where for me to enter my promo code!!!

$318 deducted from my bank account.

In a panic, I called my bank who had me on hold for fifty billion years(typical)

Next, I called Ticket Master. As I waited to be connected to a customer service representative, I was asked if I would be interested in participating in a survey about for training purposes about the quality of help I received. At the last second, I pressed the button to participate, thinking this may improve the type of help I received. I was quickly transferred to Allison who initially did not want to refund the cost of the tickets. However, she later decided that since I made the purchase that same day, that she would be able to make an exception. The downside is that it takes 3-5 business days for the refund to be processed.

Now, I am anxiously awaiting that refund so I can book some other shows. As for the Phantom, I think I may wait until the next time that show comes to southern California.

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Plans for the New Year

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot..."

Another year and already my social media timelines are littered with the usual resolutions and commitments to the loss of weight, spiritual renewal, and desire to live. "This is the year I do ..." almost every person has them. Resolutions, goals, aspirations: one friend even went so far to say that any resolution that she did not like she could give up as Lent in February.
In any case, New Year's resolutions had been given a bad rep due to the expectation of failure. However, almost every successful person (and professor in my business class) advocates the utilization of goal setting. Goal setting allows for benchmarks of success. Yet, what good are goals that we feel easily can be abandoned at whim?

I have several goals this year some more cemented than others. Theres the usual weight loss and exercise which has already been delayed due this horrible flu that I am still battling. Graduation is due this spring, preparation for the GMAT and subsequently grad school. Travel, read, write, travel, read write and along the way take lots of photos.

After the work I completed this past November for National Novel Writing Month, I am more determined than ever that this be the year that I truly dedicate more time and energy to the craft of writing. One element of this goal is to become more connected to other writers and tuned into the writing community. Another aspect of this goal is to begin soft marketing to ensure that any published work will have a initial fan based.

Yes, I am a business student after all.

Despite being sick I have made a few small steps in ensuring that I can reach these goals. One step is by connecting with others on the literary social site known as Goodreads. Created in October of 2010, my Goodreads account sat with very little activity and only one friend. Today, I have included books from my bookshelf and requested friends from my twitter account.

A few weeks ago, I finally created an author fan page on Facebook. Not much activity there due to the same illness that has me out for most of these days but it is a start (PREPARE FOR SHAMELESS PLUG)feel free to like me here.

As for Twitter, so far I think my handle there will stay the same.(Follow MsPhoebeJane)

All in a all not a bad start for 2012. My benchmarks are in place and I am ready to tackle my literary goals head on despite the social expectation of failure.

Happy 2012!

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