Friday, October 12, 2012

Peace Be Still

This is another instance where I have deleted my entire post and replaced the rant (this time over connectivity issues) and decided to write something in a completely different vein.

I have been sitting on this plane for some time as it had been sitting on the runway due to some reason explained by the pilot ( I did not understand what he was saying.) In any case, I felt this sense of anxiety and tension. Here I sat, in an enclosed plane that was completely booked. Every seat was taken including the two next to me. As I sat there I began to think on the various realizations and other matters that I had come across this week. The thought of it all increased my anxiety and I could feel the throbbing signs of a migraine beginning. It has been a tough couple of days...

After taking off and purchasing wifi and experiencing other delays I felt like I had just reached my peak. From this spring of stress and tension flowed a ranting blog entry dripping in sarcasm and tempered with anger.

Then a song came on my iPod: Rush of Fools' Peace Be Still. 

"and Peace Be Still...
Peace, be still...
Please be still
and know that I am God."

The rolling melody and deep message really affected me. I turned back to my entry and deleted my rant, and started again.

Now I am sitting here on this plane, staring at the clouds and what could possibly be the grand canyon. For the first time all week, I am truly alone. Here on a packed airplane, I finally allow the tears to fall. All that I had been holding back. Every emotion I had to hide these past few days. There was no sobbing or cries of anguish. Only silent tear drops that carried with them insecurity, fear of failure, of inadequacy. These tears carry pain and exasperation, sadness over betrayal, sadness over loss. A trail of frustration fell into pools of realization as I cried over issues buried over the last week, the last month, the last year. 

Behind the tears, I found the strength to reach out to my faith and grasp tightly to the foundation that would keep me from drowning. It is here that I stared into the reflection of love and prayer and in this moment I am still...

I come to, ready to continue writing and I happen to see someone walking by who I knew from work. Not just any person, someone who I once told I looked to her as a possible role model/mentor.  A person who I had not seen in sometime, and by this time the tears are gone. Almost as if confirmation of my thoughts we promise to connect later and talk.

There are going to be mountains and valleys. Obstacles that will attempt to knock us from our path and craters that will force us to consider turning back. Tears are not a sign of weakness but an overflowing of emotions. Sometimes this buckets must be emptied so that we do not carry them during our journey. If one finds themselves on a trail to a destination that he/she does not wish to go then we must alter our course. There may not be a clear trail and so we might have to blaze a path to our goals. This might require mountain climbing, ocean swimming, and lots of hacking away at those things in our way. However, it is imperative that we push through and hold tight to our faith.

Unlatch the unnecessary bags and do not be afraid to empty your tears when need be and when your mind is racing remember those words spoken by Christ to the crashing waves in the midst of the storm.

Peace, Be Still...


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