Yesterday, as I was leaving my friends' apartment I noticed lightning in the sky. It was a little scary, because I knew I had to go home so I would be driving in the storm. However, it was inevitable as there was no other way to get home. As I was driving towards Long Beach I noticed that I was driving closer and closer to the lightning. Due to the direction of my apartment, I really was driving into the storm.
The closer I got to the lightning the more scared I felt, and the more I prayed. What else could I do? It was so beautiful and yet so frightening at the same time. Then I had to put gas in the car, and so I was standing outside holding a metal pump with a flamable fluid running through it, but again I had no choice. When I got home I was so relieved.
So what does this all have to do with what I have to admit? I realized today that this storm could be seen as an analogy, and I do have a way with analogies.
I tell everyone that I'm fine, and that I am not letting things get to me. I tell them this becuase I don't want anyone to worry, or to second guess things. But...
Ok, I'll admit it. It gets to me. There are times where I feel a tightness in my stomach and anxiety rocks me to my core. These times are fleeting and leave me feeling defeated. Like I am chasing after an impossible dream. A dream almost within my grasp but too flighty for me to catch.
So the lightning storm analogy? I have no choice. I have to continue to drive towards it; I have to continue to drive through it; and there are going to be times where I have this fear gripping me as I stand outside completly exposed to the elements and I watch the flashing sky get closer and closer and brighter and brighter, but what can I do?
Some may say I could end it. That I really do have a choice, to walk away from it all and leave this craziness behind me. Yet, for me that is not actually an option. All I can do is pray more as I fear more.
This is all so beautiful and frightening at the same time, but if I can weather through it and catch my dream...well to me he is definitely worth it.
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1 comment:
Romans 5:3-5
"And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
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