Monday Morning

I went to grab a pen out of the pen holder on my desk and wondered why I had this horrid pen. Being a writer, or maybe just weird, I am very picky when it comes to my pens. A closer examination proves that all my pens, purchased on my own time from Office Depot have been removed and crappy pens put in their place.







When I tried to return these pens to the supply cabinet I found a possible motive as there were NO BLUE PENS.

This is the legal department for a Fortune 500 company and we have no pens...

Again....?

This is just the icing on the cake of things bothering me today. Here are a couple more little idiosyncrasies my coworkers should be aware about me.

1. Please let me put my purse down before you start harassing me in the morning. Unless you're my boss, who would never bombard me when I first walk in then let me at least get my cube lights on before making demands.

2. If you're asking me about something so pointless and stupid then in addition to my first request please be sure to allow me ample time to get my morning coffee. Caffeine will allow me the ability to better handle your stupidity.

3. Leave my desk and all other items on my desk alone. This is why it is called my desk.

4. Don't drag me into your he said/she said office drama. I don't mind listening to someone vent or hearing the latest office gossip. However, make no attempts to pull me into your politics and think you can use me as a pawn in your little games. Note: yes, I know and yes I will retreat to my cube where you will not hear from me at all for the rest of the week.

Is this really too much to ask? Am I really that strange ?

~~

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Starving Fat

Yesterday was a bad day to start my weightloss regime as I was not prepared to deal with hunger cravings at work and at school. As such this was the rest of my food report for Tuesday February 8.

Lunch: Salad Creation Turkey Club with Fat Free Raspberry Vinagrette: 260 cals

Dinner: Del Taco

I'm not even writing what I had at Del Taco, except lets just say the words deluxe fries and some other things pop up.

Today's report:

Breakfast:

1 Black Coffee
1 Nutri Grain bar 95 cals

Lunch:

El Pollo Loco Chicken, & Steamed Veggies 510 cals

Snack:

Carrots 35 calories per serving and I've probably eaten less than 1 serving

Some nasty brithday cake that wasn't worth my calories.

The El Pollo Loco really, really shocked me. Seriously??? 448 of those calories were for the chicken breast but I only ate 2 pieces!!

Back to the lean cuisines and maybe sandwiches for lunch.

...and I promise all my blog entries will not look like this!!

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A Glance So Bitter it Shattered the Mirror

I had to deal with my mother visiting last Saturday. That was so stressful. One of the things she loves to complain about is my weight. As if I don't notice those disappointing looks, she actually made comments to my sister about how I've gained so much weight and how I need to do something about myself.

Seriously?

I am fully aware of my weight gain and I am working to do something about it. My mother insists I cut out all carbs and I think Why? So I can be as grumpy as you are when you stop eating carbs? Then she makes all types of other comments and suggestions. The thing that my mom fails to remember is that I have gained the weight and subsequently lost the weight in the past. It's just a matter of me battling with myself to figure out if I should operate in the same way as I had in the past.

No, I did not have an eating disorder. No vomiting, or pills or starving myself in the sense of no food. However, I did severely cut my calories. Deep inside I know this will be the key to my success in dropping the pounds I need to fit into my favorite jeans.

Yes, that is my goal.

There is no magic number on the scale that will make me jump with joy. Nothing will make me feel more at ease with my body then to be able to COMFORTABLY fit into my favorite jeans, and the assortment of jeans in that same size.

So, today is a new day. I'm starting and I am seriously trying to lose the weight. Beginning last night, when I was on the treadmill for 30 minutes straight. Here is my meal breakdown so far:

Breakfast

1 Yoplait Light Yogurt 100 cals
1 Black Coffee with Splenda 15 cals


Then maybe I won't have to pick up these glass shards.

~~

Today's Laugh Until the Mascara Runs

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Best of Class

A classmate and I were discussing relationships then another classmate started laughing at me and our convo went like this:

Classmate: How old are you?

Me: 27

Classmate: Really? You look 19.

This was the best part of class today.

~~


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

High Heels, Hand and Honda

Gucci Division High Heel Platform Pump
Originally uploaded by FashionLuvr.com

Very little time to recover from the weekend before starting another week of clases and such. On Friday I broke a nail. this may seem so trivial and mundane but I did it (on accident of course) in one of the most painful ways possible. Tore the nail down the flesh and as such even the slight graze sends shivers of pain through me.

Friday I received a call from the police saying that my stolen Honda was found. On Staurday I met with my parents who had to come up to get the car out of impound. After paying $260 for the car and switching off the flat, it turns out that the car will not shift gears. Hours of tinkering by the boyfriend and dad found a green Honda that would occassionally go into reverse but never in drive. AAA towed the car to a mechanic who would take a look at the car today.

Today the verdict is in and apparently the thieves drove that car into the ground. They blew out the transmission and it would cost $1550 for repairs.

That really upsets me.

Someone had the nerve to steal my car, rip out my radio, take my cds, rifle through clothes, take all my shoes and sunglasses and an assortment of other items.

...now I'm left with a bill!

As if all this wasn't enough. I have been having pains in my calves and ankle excerbated by my high heels (did I mention that most of my high heels were stolen? oh, the horror!!) I have a sneaky suspcion that my cute black Fila shape-ups are the culprit for this pain.

That's all that's on my mind for now. Maybe a less trivial post later.

But I question it's triviality :)

~~

A Weaker Moment

I finally started getting the hang of things. Getting ahead of homework instead of getting some extra sleep. Responding to work requests as soon as they come into the office. Yeah, its tiring but its not as stressful when i know that nothing is hanging over my head. However, today I had a moment of weakness. Maybe had is not a good word as I'm still going through it now.

The problem is that sometimes i take a look around me and i see nothing but reminders. Memories of a life passed. Landmarks of failures. Everything i never did, opportunities passed. If only this, maybe if that.

There are no second chances. What's done is done, but sometimes I have a hard time letting go of this burden. Here are the relics of some of the biggest mistakes of my life thus far. I thought I buried them deep in my closet but here they come marching forth for all the world to see.

I went to visit the last remnants today. Those who I thought might understand where I'm coming from and give me a nugget of advice. How do I deal with this mountain? Yet, they've moved on as well. No sense in interrupting their lives with these ghosts of yesterday. I swear i see these specters lining the walkways, but they bother no one but me. They're invisible to the rest of the world.

Sometimes I feel I'm just as invisible in this world.




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